What to Do When She Says "MAYBE" to a Date Request (2023)

Introduction

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On today's episode of the Introvert Dating Success show, we answer a question from a guy who, after several attempts to ask a woman out, received a "maybe" answer from her. Harry Wilmington explains what a "maybe" really means, and what you should be doing to avoid getting this answer and setting more definite dates.

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Content

Should you agree to a maybe date? Hi, there men's dating coach harry wilmington here, founder of introvertdatingsuccess.com.

And today I'll be answering a question from a man who has been asking a girlfriend of his out on dates, she's flaked several times now and she's saying, she might be able to set something up, but not with a definite day and time.

And I want to help you understand why it is women say things like this, what it really means, and if you should do something else to persuade a woman like this to go out with you, if you're watching on youtube hit that subscribe button.

And the bell icon to be notified when a new daily episode is available also check out the links in the description to download, my free, ebook, texting like a boss and to show your support by clicking on the tip jar link, both of which can be found at the website as well.

And now let's check out that clip.

So before I read this guy's message, I just want to say this message is the kind of message that really depresses me it's.

The kind of message I read whereby as you're reading the guy's story of him, trying to get with a woman and looking at all the ways that he tries to ask a woman out time and time again, she's doing things that are resulting in them, not having a date.

And yet the guy persists because he just doesn't get the hint.

And I read a lot of messages like this from guys, whereby they think if they're not getting a direct no that it must just mean, the girl's busy or that she really wants to do it.

But things just keep coming up dating is not hard like the actual means of asking a person out and being able to read if they have a genuine interest in.

You is not hard.

But what happens is our own egos, get in the way.

So we see a woman that we want to get, and we assume because we're so great she's going to want us.

And then we try to ask them out.

And then what happens is rather than say, no to us directly.

They give us these answers that sound like to us like mixed signals or maybes.

And in the process of that that makes us hold on to hope that they actually want to go out with us, even if they never actually accept the date from us.

And you got to stop that you got to learn to read a situation as it is when a woman likes you, she will move heaven and earth to say, yes to a date with you and put it on her calendar.

And when she doesn't, she won't and so let's get into this guy's message.

He says, this girl got dumped by her boyfriend of two years back in late june.

I was friends with her through her boyfriend.

And then he left the state and doesn't really talk much to me either after I found out she was dumped.

I started thinking about asking her out.

I flirted a bit with her over text, and she flirts back.

But I think she is just a bit of a flirt in general.

I think she has a good idea that I might like her, but despite that I'm, pretty sure I'm in the friend zone.

So the first thing I want to say is that women are not dumb women sometimes play dumb, but they can interpret actions and emotions and words being said, far better than guys can they they had a lot more practice at it and they're very intuitive.

So when this guy was flirting with this girl and saying, whatever cute things, he was saying she knew that he liked that that he liked her like that was not a surprise.

Women can tell if a guy's like trying to talk to them a little too much all of a sudden or trying to be too touchy-feely with them.

But they did these things in this world that we live in.

They've learned to act dumb and act like they don't know, what's going on around when they're around you, because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

And they don't want you to like go crazy on them or not for not liking their back.

So they'll, sometimes act aloof about these things.

But most women know, if you're saying certain things and doing certain actions that you like them, that's, not something you're hiding from them very very well.

I thought in my past, I was doing the best I could to not let girls know that I liked them only to find out later.

They knew the whole time.

And I was like, I just wasted all that time being their friend when I could have just gone in for the kill, because they already knew that I liked them.

So you're, not fooling anybody continuing on.

I haven't done much over text or snapchat to try to win her over.

I was trying to save that for when we met in person.

But my dilemma is, I've just had a hard time trying to get her out.

So that is a good point is that you really can't build up too much attraction over text.

You can you know, express interest by asking her on dates and whatnot.

But you can't really like build up the best version of attraction through through text, flirting that's, why you want to try to get her on a date to do that? But again, she has to accept the date that's.

The first barrier, if she's not accepting dates that means that she does not see you as a person.

She wants to flirt with or in a person in a one-on-one per in person situation, continuing.

So he says, the first try we had dinner planned.

And she let me know like four hours in advance.

She had to babysit for a family emergency all right so here's where we start to get into excuses.

So his first try ask her out.

And I just out of nowhere, four hours in advance babysitting.

Babysitting emergency comes up.

Okay.

I want you to remember this.

Then he says, the second time she had been out with her girlfriends late for three to four nights in a row, uh, seemingly against what she wanted to do and had an anxiety.

Slash panic attack the day we were supposed to have dinner and just spent all day in bed.

She did text ahead of time to let me know that and chatted a bit with me, I know her well enough to know she wasn't making that up, and she does have anxiety issues.

So what are the excuses so far four hours before a date? There was a babysitting emergency, uh, it doesn't say, here, he doesn't say, he doesn't go into detail about what she said in terms of what the specific emergency was who she had to babysit.

Why the person that was supposed to babysit cancel.

It out we get none of that.

And then the second one let's, listen, very, they pay very very close attention.

Okay.

The second time what had happened was she spent three to four nights in a row out with her girl, friends, partying it up.

And then he says, seemingly against what she wanted to do.

Now look at that right there.

It says that despite the fact that she did not want to do this thing.

She still miraculously managed to get up the energy to go out and do this four nights in a row.

Now, I don't know about you I'm an introvert, if a friend of mine came and said, hey, we're gonna go party, and I didn't want to do it.

I wouldn't do it, or if I felt some kind of pressure, I might go night, one, but nights, two three and four if I didn't really want to do it, if I didn't have a good time that first night, probably not gonna make the choice to go do it again and again and again.

And yet this girl somehow was able to be convinced four nights in a row to go hang out at clubs to party.

It up to go be around other guys, possibly that she didn't know.

And and you know, was probably flirting with or whatever four nights in a row.

She did this allegedly, because we don't know if that's true or not but allegedly she did.

And then yet she just can't seem to muster up the energy or courage to be able to go out with a guy that's going to take her out pay for her her meal and basically do everything.

He can to impress her and and fawn upon her.

She didn't have energy for that.

But she had the energy to go out four nights ago with girlfriends to meet up with complete strangers to do some other stuff.

Okay, this is what happens when girls are not interested in you is that they come up with these excuses that for the most part.

They know, guys are going to find plausible and or not question them on because most guys think that women are just these completely honest creatures that wouldn't dare lie, because women are all about wanting a guy that's going to be honest, therefore they would not themselves be dishonest.

But the reality is, if a woman has a strong enough adherence to wanting to see you her brain will rationalize not seeing you by coming up with excuses the thought being.

If I if I make up an excuse to not see him, then I won't be going to see him on a false pretense of of showing him that I'm interested because I'm not, but she knows or she thinks and feels as though she cannot say that because admittedly, most guys get butt hurt when they when women tell us directly, hey, I'm, just not interested I'm, not feeling the chemistry.

I think you're a great guy, but you're just not for me like they know, those conversations can go a wide variety of ways, many of which could be harmful to them or worse.

They have to see the guy cry and be all beggy and needy and desperate.

And they don't want to see that either.

So instead they do everything they can to stay away from you like this girl.

Because again, if this was her prince charming and we're going to assume that the second time, she'd been out with girls or whatever like that, she had probably he had probably he probably already asked her out in advance.

So he asked her out let's say like a week in advance.

And then she decides on her own accord to spend four days back to back out late knowing she had a date with this guy on day, five.

And then all of a sudden out of nowhere.

She has anxiety and panic attack.

Now, again, let's say, this woman is a woman that is an anxious woman or is prone to panic attacks.

Okay, those can last for a certain amount of hours or days or whatever, but typically let's say, this was to happen women that like you, if something for whatever reason comes up, they will typically say, hey, I have to cancel.

This date suddenly doesn't work for me.

But this other day will and that's what we call a counteroffer, a woman that likes you that desperately wants to see you, but suddenly can't make it still wants you to know that she likes you.

And so she will set up what is called a counter offer? Hey, I can't make this day, but let's, try this one they'll, bring it up, not you they'll, bring it up.

And in neither situation did this woman bring up a counteroffer, which now shows that she is, in fact, not interested in him, but again him being the guy that he is he's letting his like for her blind, the fact of what's going on, which is that this girl is not making any attempts to reach out to him to reschedule dates with him to offer ideas about a date to him.

Okay? And if that's not happening that means you are dealing with a woman that does not have a high level of interest in you.

And you need to move on continuing on.

Uh, see after that, I went cold for a few weeks, except to wish her a happy birthday since I figured she might need more time rebuilding her life from her ex.

This is a mistake.

If this girl has not been reaching out to you, then you do not send her a congratulatory happy birthday text because she has not earned it she's, not conversing with you she's, not sending you messages.

First she's, not giving you any hint that she wants to interact with you beyond these random texts that you send out first, therefore she does not get the happy birthday or insert holiday of your choice.

Text, okay, continuing, uh, see.

He says, then I started popping in a few times over the past three weeks.

And so even that it's like he's popping in not not one time, please say, she's popping in to say, hey, how you doing I just want to check on.

You are things going.

Okay, at no time is this woman checking in with him, why? Because she does not have interest by continuing, uh.

And then finally tried to make another attempt at asking her dinner on thursday.

I casually asked what she was up to this weekend.

And she said, her sister was in town, and she was going to hang out with her.

So this point, the woman knows that when this guy hits her up and starts asking questions, she's already, three to four questions ahead of him and knows that he is trying to ask her out.

And so she already has a litany of things lined up to be used as excuses in the event that this comes up.

Okay, don't think for a second that women don't have a pocketful of excuses ready to go.

If they're not interested in you, okay and they're gonna make sure that all those things sound legit, for example, uh, this one she said that, oh, her sister was in town.

So they probably had a conversation in the past, and he knows that she has a sister.

Therefore she knows if he she gives the I my sisters in town, excuse he's going to believe it because again, hey, why would she lie? And also he knows she has a sister.

So of course, that is a plausible thing and women are very very good at coming up with plausible, actions or situations that might come up that might just happen to not be able to let them have a date with you.

Okay.

But only the ones that aren't interested because otherwise she would have said, well, my sister's coming into town this weekend.

But I do have some free time on saturday or sunday.

What do you got all right? I'll? See, continuing I figured she was kind of dismissing me right there? Finally, so I was like.

Ah, alright.

I was wondering if you were up for dinner sunday hope, you enjoy your time with your sister expecting her just to end it.

But she replied back quote, well, sunday might work for me.

I'll, keep you updated, but I haven't heard anything yet.

I was thinking of flaking on her this time since her response was meh and trying again in a week or so.

So yeah.

So this thing where she says sunday might work for me, I'll, keep you updated.

This is what I call false hope because a woman that knows she's not interested, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings might sometimes throw out the false hope, whereby she says some things in the moment to sound nice, because she doesn't want to be mean.

So she'll say, something that sounds nice that gives you hope that she might want to do something okay.

Anytime you heard the words, maybe or might from a woman in reference to a dating question that is a no okay.

We do not live on the maybe strategy you either get a direct.

Yes, you get a not today.

But uh, this other day would work better, which is still a yes or you're gonna hear any other excuse without a counteroffer.

And that means no.

So when she says, well sunday might work for me, most women are good at knowing their schedule, they're better planners than anybody.

I know.

So if she's saying it might work, she hasn't actively looked at her situation.

And then again, I don't want you guys to even be accepting, maybe or my dates or dates that are kind of like wishy-washy, because you want to set definite dates.

So if she would have said to me, well, sunday might work I'll, keep it updated.

I would've said, oh, wait might work.

Okay, you know what sunday sounds like it's gonna be busy.

I tell you what uh let's check and see what our schedules look like for monday or tuesday.

Now at that point, if she comes back and said, well, I'm, not sure about my schedule because I got to work at this amount if she starts throwing out another litany of excuses, dude, she's, not interested it's, not your fault.

Sometimes it's, just the way the way the wind blows.

What you don't want to do is think that you have a shot with a girl that is consistently turning down your advances.

You do not.

And there are women that are out there that you are passing by to try to go up this one girl when the reality is she's, not interested, because if she was, she would have been on a date with this guy by now.

This is like his third attempt at asking her out and there's still, no definite date set up and there's still nothing coming from her saying, well, I can't do this date.

What about this date? Or, oh, you know what these dates or if we try doing this, whatever like there's, nothing coming from her end, why? Because she doesn't like him, she's doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

They are friends on some level, but she's, not even trying to suggest like meeting up as friends.

And I've been in that situation, where like I had a girl that I had a crush on, and then I didn't have a crush anymore.

But then when I would try to ask her to just hang out through some mundane stuff, hey, let's, go meet up for pizza or let's.

Do whatever it was always either.

Oh, I can't make it or, oh, I'd like to do it then last minute to be like, oh, something came up, and I can't do whatever.

And after like the fourth time I was like, you know what I get it like I just get it.

I don't have time to sit around and and hope for something to happen.

Because again, we all have time in our lives to make time for people that we want to hang around with.

And if they don't, then they won't and again.

And I've said this on the shows before I've had women in my past that I've dated that have high high-end jobs that keep them busy lawyers, doctors, teachers, etc.

I've dated girls whereby they had a lot of family situations going on with it was like a death or dealing with a person that was on drugs, or dealing with a person that was bipolar.

And in all these situations, despite the women having these busy busy busy lives, they will still come to me and say, harry.

I still want to spend time with you.

We can find an hour here half hour there two hours here.

But I want to see you why because they recognize that they still need to show me that they have an interest in me by making time for me.

If a woman is actively doing things to not make time with you.

What does that say it says that she would rather spend her time elsewhere in a romantic setting and not with you.

And I say this, because I want you guys to know this.

So when you start seeing these signs, early you'll, be a little hurt, but it won't hurt your feelings nearly as much as chasing a girl for six months that's, showing you these signs.

And then when you wake up and realize, oh crap, she didn't like me, you need to recognize early on.

If you ask a girl out, and she gives these excuses, oh, she doesn't like me, okay, well that sucks.

But on to the next that way you won't be investing all this time and brain power and effort into getting a girl that you don't that doesn't want you back.

And as an introvert, you don't have time to waste.

Anyway, you want to be working on your life purpose.

You want to be able to have your alone time.

You want to be able to think about things that are not stressful and having to consistently think about a girl and figuring out ways to try to impress a girl that does not actively want you in the first place is a waste of your freaking time.

So stop doing it.

Now that you've heard from me, I'd like to hear from you, how would you handle a woman who proposed a maybe date? If you're watching on youtube leave your comments below or write me at harrywilmington? Gmail.Com? Are you ready to learn killer icebreakers that attract women on dating apps go to introvertdatingsuccess.com right now to watch my free video training, how to get attractive feminine emotionally, stable, women dying to respond to your first messages on dating apps without using sleazy pickup lines, which will give you key secrets to sparking attraction and conversations with women online, the smart way, be sure to like share subscribe and comment on this video and catch new episodes, seven days, a week on youtube and anywhere else podcast can be streamed in the meantime, check out some of the other awesome episodes on this page.

So you can better learn how to attract women and still get your precious alone time.

Thanks for tuning in and I'll catch you next time.

Peace.