It’s not unusual for women tokeep their pregnancies tothemselves, whether for work-related reasons orpersonal ones. Still, one husband was caught off guard when hediscovered apregnancy test inthe bathroom. After confronting his wife, she told him her reasons, but things remain abit strained. Soheaskedus for help.
This is Patrick's story.
Hi Bright Side,
So this is what happened. My wife and I and have been married for more than 20 years, and have been high-school sweethearts. We are a still madly-in-love couple, edging towards middle age. We conceived twins, early-on, a boy and a girl. Together, we also made a mutual decision that two kids were enough, and went about raising them, entering into parenthood with joy. The kids are all grown and independent, and in college.
We decided that this was the perfect time to reconnect as a couple, and began to plan a few dream trips and holidays. Recently, I got the shock of my life, when I found a used pregnancy kit in the bathroom. I kept quiet for a few days, waiting for my wife to mention something about it. She looked and behaved the same and said nothing and finally, I ran out of patience.
I confronted my 42-year-old wife, but she said, “don't worry about it.” I lost my temper and yelled at her, and she looked pained, but kept silent. Later, she finally told me that she had missed her period and done a pregnancy test, but it was a false positive. She was entering into peri menopause, and didn't want me to think that she was getting old, given we are the same age.
I reassured her of my love for her, and encouraged her to talk to me, so she did, a little. We are fine, but there's a hint of underlying tension between us that I don't know what to do about. Could you throw some light on it?
Patrick
Patrick, thank you for trustingus with your story. Since you and your wife have hit arough patch inyour relationship, weput together afew tips that might smooth things out.
Educate yourself about the stages of menopause.
Peri menopause is the early stages of entering into menopause, which is as natural for a woman's body, as is her menstruation or pregnancy. It's also akin to a rollercoaster ride for her, given the massive hormonal changes she is undergoing. The first step to understanding it all is to educate yourself. Here's a good source of information.
Work through your anger and stress.
This is also a good time to introspect and ask yourself why you lost your temper, was it because she kept something from you, or because the very thought of another pregnancy shook you to the core. Heal yourself, address your inner self and issues, and work out the stress. This way, your next conversation can be a calm and loving one, which is what your wife needs right now.
Encourage more conversation.
Keep communication open by being real and, most importantly, empathetic with your wife, given how sensitive this situation is. Be upfront about your feelings while staying calm and focused on how her actions made you feel instead of pointing fingers.
Show you’re genuinely willing to understand her side. Highlight your commitment to building a stronger relationship and tackling any challenges together as a team, and be willing to do whatever it takes to make her more comfortable.
Seek medical counseling.
Perimenopause may be a time of more frequent trips to the doctor, so ensure you offer to take her, and be there for her. Not only will this show her that you are still the man she married, but also that she is as loved now, as she was then. Plus, going to the OB-GYN will give you a better understanding of what's happening to your wife's body and mind, and how you can help in easing her troubles.
Support your wife’s needs.
From mood swings to hot flashes, body pain to generic issues with menstruation, perimenopause is a time that your wife needs you more than ever. Offer to pick up a few extra chores, or massage any aches out. Encourage her to get some exercise, or indulge herself at a spa, or whatever she likes to do.
Keep being the loving husband you are, and things will be fine soon. All you need to do is show her the love and care you already have inside of you.
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